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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27091030">A Different Light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowanartist/pseuds/Rowanartist'>Rowanartist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bat Family Shenanigans [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bat Family, But he also gets hugged a lot, But not depressed, Family, Feels, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Siblings, Tim cries a lot in this, Tim is a little sad in this, he’ll be okay, other characters will be added as they appear - Freeform, so there’s that, with a good ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:46:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27091030</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowanartist/pseuds/Rowanartist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He breathes, in through the nose, out through the mouth and brings his breathing back to acceptable levels. Convinces himself that it’s just someone who looks like her, then slowly takes another look around the corner. </p><p>He’s not imagining things. Walking towards him, carrying a toddler in her arms, is Dana Winters-Drake.</p><p>Or</p><p>A few years after his dad’s death, Dana unexpectedly turns up in Tim’s life again and they both have to learn what this means for them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bat Family Shenanigans [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640749</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>160</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Different Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m back with another Batfam story! This one is something I’ve had on my mind for a long time. When I first started reading Batman comics as a teen I quickly fell in love with the Robin run from 1993 to 2007. I think one of the things that made me fall so in love with Tim Drake’s character was that he had such a different backstory than the other Robins. He felt much more relatable in a sense.<br/>Anyway, this story will draw on characters and events from that comic run as well as other pre-new 52 stuff but as usual I’ll also be throwing in reboot stuff however I see fit. </p><p>I’m also adding it to my Batfam shenanigans series. The first chapter might be a bit on the heavier side and not really feature the fam yet, but there’ll be plenty of shenanigans in this story later!</p><p>Onwards!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You think winter will never end, and then, when you don’t expect it, when you have almost forgotten it, warmth comes and a different light.”</p>
<ul>
<li>Wendell Berry, <em>Hannah Coulter</em>
</li>
</ul><p> </p><p>Tim doesn’t really know why he decides to swing through Burnley that night. It’s not part of his designated patrol route for the night and he normally avoids this neighborhood unless Jason asks him specifically for help. The Red Hood tends to be somewhat possessive about what he deems <em>his</em> territory, even if Burnley is the ‘nicer’ neighborhood in the area that Jason has claimed. If any of the neighborhoods in uptown Gotham can actually be classified as <em>nice. </em>Less crime than in the Narrows or Crime Alley at least. The bar here is set pretty low.</p><p>But Tim’s had this weird nagging feeling in his stomach all night and he just doesn’t know <em>why</em>. He knows that he wants this night to over with. Wants to go home, take a cold shower and sleep for a solid six hours. It’s already way too humid, even though it’s only May and his suit is sticking to him in all the wrong places. But he left his bike somewhere in Robbinsville and he’s in no mood to make a detour just to avoid hurting Jason’s precious feelings.</p><p>So Tim’s grappling his way over the rooftops in Burnley, sticking to the shadows as much as he can and generally trying to be as less intrusive as possible. It’s been a quiet night, which should make him feel better, but instead it just makes him feel on edge. Like there’s something brewing. He has a silence before for the storm kind of feeling that he hasn’t been able to shake all night and it can’t mean anything good. It’s almost six in the morning however, which means it’s high time for Red Robin to disappear from the streets.</p><p>Tim has just reported the end of his patrol to Bruce when he catches sight of a woman with a young child making her way down the street below him. Which shouldn’t be that unusual, but this is Gotham and no person in their right mind walks the streets willingly here at night unless they don’t have any other choice. And Tim really <em>really </em>wants to get that shower he’s craving so much, but he doesn’t have it in him to leave this woman just wandering the streets by herself. Not with the feeling of unrest he’s had all night. So he sticks his landing on a roof closer to the street level, his boots kicking up the gravel and starts following the woman.</p><p>From behind Tim can make out her chestnut hair tied up in a messy bun and she’s wearing some kind of medical shrubs, which would explain her need to be out at this hour in the morning. Either getting out of a night shift or heading in for an early one. Considering the direction she’s walking he assumes the latter; Gotham Mercy General hospital is about five blocks away. He wonders for a second why she’s not taking the subway, then remembers that they had an incident with Croc a few weeks ago and that some of the subway lines are still out of order. She probably has no choice but to walk. The child she’s carrying on her hip can’t be much older than two. She’s speaking to the child in hushed tones, but Tim can’t make out what she’s saying from the distance. Something about her seems…familiar, but he can’t put his finger on it.</p><p>Tim tries to get closer without giving himself away, but it’s made difficult by the light starting to peek over the city skyline. There are fewer and fewer shadows to hide in. He really shouldn’t be out much longer. It’s only two more blocks to the hospital however and he’s determined to see this through.  </p><p>His bat-instincts turn out to be right. The hospital is almost in view when a man starts following his mystery woman. The hood covering his head gives him away immediately because the weather is way too warm to wear a sweater, even this early in the morning. The woman has noticed him too because she picks up the pace as subtly as she can. Gotham’s criminals are not stupid however, and Tim has seen enough muggings to know that the man following her is not working alone. He’s just the one herding her to where he wants her to go, so his buddy can do the actual mugging. Or <em>worse</em>.</p><p>Tim spots the partner-in-crime easily enough when he soundlessly swings a few rooftops ahead. The other man is patiently waiting in an alley to the side, ready to snatch his victim from the street as soon as they’ll pass. Tim watches him for a second, observes no guns or any other make-shift weapons and mentally maps him as just a run of the mill Gotham crook. He easily drops in behind him and takes the guy in a choke hold around the neck, clamping a hand over his mouth to keep him from making a noise. He holds it until he feels the guy go limp, then lowers him softly to the ground, taking out some zip ties from his belt. Once the guy is safely secured to a rain pipe, Tim takes up a lookout spot at the mouth of the alley and sneaks a peek around the corner.</p><p>Tim hearts nearly stops in his chest when he recognizes the woman now walking towards him in a flash. He pulls back, his back pressed against the wall, breathing hard. It’s not possible. It’s not <em>possible</em>. He tries to get his breathing under control, wills his hands to stop shaking. He must be imagining things. He’s just tired, running on fumes and its making him see things that are not there. He breathes, in through the nose, out through the mouth and brings his breathing back to acceptable levels. Convinces himself that it’s just someone who looks like her, then slowly takes another look around the corner.</p><p>He’s not imagining things. Walking towards him, carrying a toddler in her arms, is Dana Winters-Drake.</p><p>A million thoughts race through Tim’s mind, and he loses control of his breathing again for a second. How is she <em>alive</em>? What is she doing in Gotham? Who is the child? With difficulty he forces his questions to the back of his mind, repeats his breathing exercise for a few seconds. He <em>has</em> to keep his attention in the moment. Dana and the kid’s immediate safety come first. Once he has himself more or less under control he swings up the fire escape to give himself the advantage and waits.</p><p>The crook forces Dana to keep walking ahead and picks up the pace when they near the alley. Then everything happens really quickly. Dana spots the alley, realizes where her pursuer is trying to lead her and breaks into a run, jostling the toddler held on her hip. The child starts crying. At the same time Tim swings down and uses his momentum the plant his boots squarely between the man’s shoulder blades and watches him go down with a satisfying <em>whumpf</em>, his face smacking the sidewalk hard enough to knock him out. He hears Dana stop and turn around as he’s tying the man’s wrists. She tries to calm the child, whose wails slowly turn to shaky hiccups.</p><p>Tim feels his heart beating loud in his chest as he pulls the zip ties tight. He can feel Dana’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t dare look up. The morning is light enough now that he can’t hide in the shadows anymore and there’s only so much a domino mask can conceal. He can’t risk Dana recognizing him now, no matter how conflicted it makes him feel. He casts a quick glance to his left, towards the alley, calculating his escape route. Then he pulls out his grapple, ready to make his way back up to the rooftops.</p><p>“Wait.”</p><p>The sound of Dana’s soft voice freezes Tim in place. She was always so soft spoken to him. First out of hesitation and fear of crossing his boundaries. Later because she understood much better how he communicated then his dad ever did. He was never one for raising his voice and being up front with his feelings. Dana got that. And hearing her speak again brings back so many memories he just can’t deal with right now. He wills himself to move, fiddling with the grapple in his hands, his back still turned to Dana.</p><p>“Thank you.” She simply says, “For saving me and my daughter.”</p><p>As Tim feels the hooks of his grapple sink into the stone above him he dares a glance over his shoulder. He tells himself it’s to make sure Dana is okay. That it has nothing to do with all the emotions that are currently swirling in the pit that is his stomach.</p><p>All things considered, Dana looks good. There are some more lines around her eyes, maybe a few grey hairs in her hair. But her warm brown eyes are still bright. She hasn’t lost her will to look for the good in people. To look for the good in <em>Gotham. </em>It’s not Dana who stops his heart from beating however. It’s the little girl she’s carrying. The little girl with chestnut hair and bright blue eyes. Eyes that look very familiar because he has seen them a hundred times in the mirror.</p><p>His eyes.</p><p><em>Jack’s </em>eyes.</p><p>.</p><p>Tim doesn’t remember grappling to the roof. His thoughts are racing a mile a minute and he’s jumping roofs and scaling buildings purely based on muscle memory. It’s not until his comm crackles to life in his ear that he comes back to himself and realizes he has almost reached his motorcycle.</p><p>
  <em>“Red. It’s almost light out and you’re not back yet. Report.”</em>
</p><p>“I’m fine, B,” Tim gasps out, trying to catch his breath, “I just…ran into a minor situation. Nothing to worry about. I’m thirty minutes out.”</p><p>He doesn’t know why he decides to lie to Bruce and not tell him the truth. But somehow he doesn’t want his adoptive father mixed up in this yet. And he knows he’s being vague on purpose, but for some reason Bruce doesn’t call him out on it.</p><p>
  <em>“Report to Penny One when you arrive. Batman out.”</em>
</p><p>It takes all of Tim’s mental capabilities to keep his mind on the road as he navigates Gotham’s early morning traffic. He revs his engine and maybe speeds a bit more than strictly necessary. He doesn’t let himself think about Dana or the little girl until he hits the bridge towards Bristol.</p><p>Dana is alive<em>. </em>His stepmother is <em>alive. </em>Tim still can’t really wrap his head around it. He thought she’d died in the nuclear attack on Blüdhaven more than two years ago. He’d grieved for her. Like he’d grieved the death of his dad. There’d been no official funeral, because there were so many others that died. And a lot of bodies that were…unrecognizable. But him, Bruce and Alfred had set up a memorial for her next to his dad’s grave. He’d been a mess afterwards for weeks. But now she’s here in Gotham and she’s <em>alive. </em>With a <em>daughter</em>.</p><p>The little girl’s blue eyes flash though Tim’s mind again. The sky blue of Gotham on a good day his mom used to call it. The media liked to call them the Drake Eyes. He remembers being told over and over again at gala’s and fundraisers how he looked so much like his dad and that <em>he had his eyes. </em>That they were a sure sign of his proper lineage. The little girl may have inherited Dana’s chestnut hair, but her eyes are unmistakably <em>Drake</em>. He knows without a doubt that she is Jack’s daughter.  That she’s…his <em>sister</em>.</p><p>The entrance to the cave materializes in front of Tim and puts a stop to his thoughts. He lets the scanner ID him and drives down the wide corridor that leads to the main cave. Alfred is the only one waiting for him as he parks his bike, the others already having gone to bed. He doesn’t realize how exhausted and sweaty he is until he gets off his bike. The events of this morning have really taken a lot out of him. He’s glad he has nothing important planned for the rest of the day.</p><p>“Good morning, Master Timothy,” the butler greets him, handing him a towel which he gratefully accepts, “did you have a productive night?”</p><p>Tim removes his mask, unhooks his cape and places them both in Alfred’s outstretched hands with a slightly guilty look, before nodding.</p><p>“Yeah, it was…good, I guess. Sorry for making you wait for me. And for the uh, sweat.” He waves his hands at the uniform in Alfred’s hand then rubs his face on the towel.</p><p>“I assure you, it’s nothing compared to Master Bruce’s cowl.” Alfred responds dryly and Tim snorts as he unclasps his gauntlets. The removing of layers and the breeze in the cave are quickly cooling him dow and sending goosebumps along the skin of his arms. Alfred doesn’t miss this and wastes no time in shooing him towards the showers, “Now hurry along. Shower and get dressed appropriately before you catch a cold!”</p><p>.</p><p>The shower makes Tim feel physically better, but does nothing to calm his mind. And as much as he knows he needs to get those six hours of sleep, he’s pretty sure that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep at the moment anyway. So instead he puts a sweater on over his pj’s and takes a seat at the main computer. He pulls up Dana’s files first. It doesn’t tell him anything he doesn’t know already. The main file just gives him her life in simple, short facts. Where she was born. Where she studied, places she worked and other things. Tim has to swallow a few times past the lump in his throat when he gets to the Relatives section. The words <em>Jack Drake (husband, deceased) </em>glare at him for a second, but he quickly clicks on, willing them to go away. At the bottom of the file he finds what he is looking for. Her admittance to the Blüdhaven Mental Health Clinic after his dad’s death. But again there is nothing new. It details her condition, her treatment plan and payments for the few weeks that she spent there. And then it just stops. Because the clinic was in the middle of Blüdhaven and Blüdhaven doesn’t exist anymore. At the bottom of the file it simply says <em>deceased </em>in red letters.</p><p>But clearly Dana Winters-Drake is very much alive and Tim’s determined to get to the bottom of this. It takes him only moments to get past the firewalls of the Clinic she was treated at and once again he pulls up the files with her name on it. They start of the same as the ones in their database. The same assessment of her condition and the treatment plan. But underneath there’s a section that says <em>confidential </em>and that’s really what Tim is looking for. He sucks in a breath and clicks on it;</p><p>
  <em>‘During the weekly medical exam it has been determined that patient Dana Winters-Drake is sixteen weeks pregnant. Patient claims to have been unaware of the pregnancy but has responded well to the news. It is not expected to interfere with the treatment. Patient has been giving the proper pre-natal care. Patient has, however, requested confidentiality and has expressed interest in continuing her treatment in a different clinic.’</em>
</p><p>Tim doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until he lets in all out in one rush. He visited Dana a few days before the attack. She seemed to be doing better then, but she never said anything about her pregnancy to him. He’s not sure what to do with this new information. He wonders why she decided to keep it a secret and can’t help the stab of betrayal he feels as he thinks about it. He tries to see it from Dana’s point of view, tries to imagine how absolutely torn she must have felt grieving over her husband’s death and at the same time carrying his child. But Tim can’t help the anger he feels at her for a moment. It was not like she was all alone. <em>He</em> was still there. He’d visited her as often as he could. They’d been through so much together. He thought they were closer than this. Thought she’d enjoyed being his stepmother too, even if it wasn’t official anymore after his dad died. He ignores the burning feeling in his eyes as he continues reading,</p><p>
  <em>‘Patient will be transferred today to Bridges Mental Health Clinic, NY for further treatment. Patient’s sister will be scheduled to pick her up at 11:00 AM. Patient has requested confidentiality concerning her new location. ’</em>
</p><p>The last note dates from one day before the attack on Blüdhaven. Dana got out <em>one</em> day before the entire city was turned into a nuclear wasteland. Tim lets out a choked sob, then rests his face in his hands, letting the feelings wash over him. Relief. Confusion. Anger. Warm tears start dripping through his fingers. They never knew she made it out. He’d mourned her while all this time she’s been only a few hours away from him. And somehow, they’d never thought to check it. Never thought to confirm her death. They’d all been too devastated.</p><p>But Tim isn’t done yet. He sniffles and rubs his tears away. Takes a deep breath and gets back to work. He pulls up more information, this time in New York and finds out that Dana recovered from her psychological shock enough to be released into the care of her sister a few months after her transfer. He finds her medical files and reads that she’d given birth to a healthy baby girl a few months after that. The baby, <em>his</em> <em>sister, </em>is named Eloise Jackelyn Winters. Dana is declared mentally healthy pretty soon after the birth of her daughter. And about a year and a half after that, there’s another address change. This time back to Gotham. The last information he finds is Dana taking a job as physical therapist at Gotham Mercy General Hospital, dating from about two months ago. Which would explain why he saw her there this morning, but has never seen her before that.</p><p>Tim closes all the files and leans forward, elbows on the desk, head in his hands. Then he just… breathes for a while, applying a meditation technique he learned from Bruce. He lets his mind go through all the information he has gathered and then pushes it all away for the time being and focuses on his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. He can feel his exhausting catching up to him now that he’s finally taking a breather. He stays like that for a while until he feels a warm hand gently being placed on his shoulder.</p><p>“You seem a bit out of sorts, my dear boy.” Alfred says quietly, “Are you quite alright?”</p><p>“I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.” Tim sighs, leaning into the touch for a second before forcing himself to get up and shutting down the computer.</p><p>Alfred holds his gaze for a moment, “You can always come find me for tea and a good talk, Timothy. You remember that right?” he says, giving his shoulder a final squeeze.</p><p>Tim gives him a tired smile, “I know. Thanks, Alfred.” He turns and stretches his stiff muscles, stifling a yawn.</p><p>“Up you go. Get some sleep.”</p><p>Tim nods and starts making his way up the stairs to the manor. He can feel Alfred’s watchful eyes burning into his back the entire time.</p><p>.</p><p>It takes Tim a while to fall asleep. His mind is still processing all the new information and he just keeps tossing and turning in his bed until eventually his exhaustion wins out and he drifts off into a fitful sleep. When he wakes up it’s even more humid and he’s sweaty all over again. He has no idea how long he’s actually been asleep but it’s not a school day anyway so he can’t really bring himself to care. He takes another shower and then goes in search of some coffee and breakfast. Emphasis on the coffee. He finds the kitchen empty except for Alfred, who’s softly humming to himself as he’s cleaning off plates and placing them in the drying rack next to him. Tim’s missed breakfast then. They usually try to have breakfast together with whoever is present at the manor on the weekends. He glances at the clock on the microwave and reads 14:23. Which is later then he expected. He missed lunch as well then. Oops.</p><p>“There are still some overnight oats in the fridge, master Timothy.” Alfred says without pausing his chore.</p><p>Tim mumbles a thanks as he pulls a bowl from the cabinet. He putters around the kitchen as he gets his breakfast ready and turns on the coffee machine. It’s not until he inhales the fresh scent of a mug of coffee in front of him that he starts to feel sort of awake. He eats his breakfast quietly, the sound of dishes clanking together in the background. He’s almost in full brooding mode when Alfred’s soft tenor breaks the silence.</p><p>“A penny for your thoughts?”</p><p>Tim twists the empty coffee mug clenched between his hands, debating the pros and cons of letting Alfred know that Dana is alive. He doesn’t want to <em>burden </em>Alfred with his emotional issues and how badly he is dealing with them, but he also knows the butler cared a lot about his stepmother. And lately he’s been trying very hard to be more open about his feelings because he can’t rationalize or bottle everything up -</p><p>“I saw Dana this morning.” He blurts out, before he can change his mind.</p><p>Alfred gently places the mug he’s holding in the drying rack and turns around, drying his hands on his apron, “I’m sure she appreciates that, my boy.” he tells Tim, a soft smile on his lips, “I took the liberty of planting some new flowers last week.”</p><p>And <em>oh, </em>Alfred misunderstands him. Thinks he just visited the memorial they made for his stepmother.</p><p>“No uh, I mean. I actually saw her.” Tim says, trying to figure out how to explain the whole situation and failing miserably, “In Burnley. Walking down the street.”</p><p>The butler’s smile turns to a frown and Tim knows he has messed up because that is Alfred’s <em>I’m-disappointed-in-you </em>face, which is arguably the worst of all of them.</p><p>“Timothy, I do not think these kind of jo-“</p><p>“I’m swear I’m not joking. Not about this.” Tim interrupts, his breath hitching, “She’s <em>alive</em>, Alfred. I..I couldn’t believe my eyes at first either. But I did some digging and…and it’s true.” He feels his eyes burning as he desperately tries to explain, “She made it out of Blüdhaven before the attack. She moved to…to New York.”</p><p>He feels his tears sliding down his cheeks and hates that Alfred has to see him like this, even if the man has seen him in far worse situations than this.</p><p>“My word.”</p><p>He looks up at Alfred through his tear stained vision. The butler hasn’t moved from the counter, but his hands are turning white from how tight he is clutching his apron, his expression unreadable.</p><p>“She… uh was pregnant, Alfred.” Tim forces himself to continue, the words tumbling out of his mouth, “When, um, my…my dad died. I guess she didn’t know, and after she found out she didn’t want me to know and she just moved away and lived with her sister-“ He’s sobbing now, his breath coming out in shuddering gasps. Finally letting himself feel everything that he has been pushing away since he set eyes on Dana this morning. Alfred closes the distance between them in seconds, his warm arms enveloping him in a hug he didn’t realize he needed so much.</p><p>“I just don’t understand how she could <em>do</em> this to me, Alfred.” Tim sobs into his chest.</p><p>“<em>Shhh</em>, my dear boy.” Alfred soothes him softly, his voice calm and steady as always. They stay like that for a while, Alfred gently rubbing circles on his back while Tim cries until feels like he can breathe again. When he has calmed down somewhat, Alfred forces him to look at him.</p><p>“Whatever your stepmothers reasons are for the decisions she has made, Timothy,” Alfred tells him, “Remember that she was quite broken at the time too.”</p><p>Tim nods slowly in response, “I…I guess.”</p><p>Then Alfred pulls him back into another hug and Tim spends a good five minutes just enjoying the butler’s calming presence.</p><p>“I saw her.” he mumbles eventually. When he feels like he can speak without immediately breaking down again. Alfred moves back a little, but keeps his hands on Tim’s shoulders.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“My um…my sister.” he says, not realizing the soft smile that is pulling on his lips as he says the word out loud for the first time, “She looks a lot like Dana. But she has…dad’s eyes. Like me.”</p><p>“Then she has the best of both worlds.” The butler says confidently and Tim can’t quite decipher the look Alfred gives him, but there’s a warmth in his eyes as he says it.</p><p>And suddenly Tim feels a lot lighter. Like part of the weight has been lifted from his shoulders. He’s glad he told Alfred now. Glad that he chose to listen to his heart for once instead of his brain. He could teach Bruce a thing or two he thinks with a huff before he turns his attention back to Alfred.</p><p>“What should I do, Alfred? Do I go see her?” he asks, his voice hesitant, “I mean, clearly she doesn’t want to see me.” He tries not to curl inward at the thought.</p><p>“It’s easy to judge people without listening to their side of the story, Timothy.” Alfred answers, and it’s his wise old butler voice this time, “And it’s not my place to tell you what to do in this situation. But I do know that your stepmother loved you very much, and I’m sure she still does. And the only way to find out whatever her reasoning was for keeping her and her daughter’s existence a secret is to speak to her.” He squeezes Tim’s shoulders then let’s go and stands up.</p><p>Tim rubs his face and nods, “Yeah. Yeah, I think I can do that. Thanks, Alfred.”</p><p>“Always, my dear boy.”</p><p>He watches as Alfred dusts off his apron and looks at him again, one eyebrow raised quizzically, “Would you like me to inform Master Bruce of your stepmother’s…current status?”</p><p>Tim thinks on that for a second then shakes his head, “No, I…I think I need some time first. I’d rather tell him myself when it feels right.”</p><p>Alfred gives a quick nod and ruffles his hair before walking back to the counter, “It’ll be our secret for the time being then. Now, let me make some tea for you.”</p><p>.</p><p>In the evening Tim finds himself sitting on the roof across Dana’s apparent building in Burnley. He headed out on patrol a bit early (making another vague excuse to Bruce) so he could swing by. He tells himself it’s because he needs to make sure Dana is okay. That’s he’s just checking if her place is safe from burglars, or assassins or anything else Gotham can cook up. He tells himself those lies even though he knows full well he’s sitting here in his full Red Robin uniform because he is too damn scared to talk to her as Tim Drake, and stalking her as a vigilante feels like a safe wall to hide behind.</p><p>Through the window he can see Dana cleaning up various toys from the floor of her apartment. He hasn’t seen the little girl since he got here but it’s very likely that she’s already in bed. With summer around the corner its getting later before it gets dark and he didn’t want to risk coming down here while it was still light out. Most of the curtains of her apartment are closed, but he still has a view of the living room and part of the kitchen.</p><p>Dana seems…so normal. He’s not sure what he expected to see, but watching her tidying up her living room and preparing lunch for the next day is somehow exactly what he hoped to see and what he is not at all prepared for. He knows Dana used to do the same <em>before, </em>when she still lived with him and dad, because he has a habit of leaving a trail of stuff wherever he goes, but now it feels so alien to him. Maybe because he is just so different now. Because life in the manor is so different. So far removed from what could be considered <em>normal</em>.</p><p>And suddenly watching Dana being a mother again <em>hurts</em>. It brings memories back of dad asking Dana where his reading glasses are, even though he just put them on his head. Of Dana asking him for the tenth time to put his dirty clothes in the washing machine so she can finally turn it on. Of them washing the dishes together after dinner, and trying to get dad wet with the foam. It hurts so bad that Tim pulls his knees up to chest and grips his legs until he can almost feel his nails through the Kevlar of his uniform, his face buried so he doesn’t have to look at his painful memories.  When he finally looks up again, Dana has closed the curtains.</p><p>Then Bruce requests his assistance over the comms and he forces himself to move, leaving Dana and his sister behind for now. He only gets scolded for being distracted once.</p><p>.</p><p>Tim goes back the next night. He’s not sure why because the pain of his resurfacing memories from the night before are still fresh in his mind but he can’t seem to help himself. Watching Dana has given him a glimpse of normal-ness that he didn’t know he was missing until he saw her last night. So he’s back and tells himself he’ll be ready to talk to her soon while he waits and watches from his rooftop perch.</p><p>For some reason the little girl (<em>Eloise</em>, he tells himself, her name is Eloise) is still up this time and quietly playing on the floor of the living room. Dana is on the phone with someone in the kitchen, having an animated conversation. Tim watches the scene, his eyes switching between Eloise clearly holding a conference for her stuffed animals and Dana’s sporadic bursts of scoffs and laughs. He watches them until he suddenly feels the first drops of rain touching his face, rudely stirring him from his observations.</p><p>Above him the grey clouds are quickly gathering and he looks around for some shelter, but nothing stands out to him. As he looks across to Dana’s building he sees that the only place offering some semblance of shelter is the fire escape there, so he grapples over, the specialized soles of his boots making as little noise as possible. He makes sure to position himself just above Dana’s window so he’s out of sight but still has a view of a corner of the living room. Eloise has moved on to building blocks, her stuffed animals turned into an audience while she creates structure after structure. The rain patters down around Tim in rhythmic noises, lulling him into a trance while he watches her play. </p><p>He gets so lost in it that he almost jumps ten feet high when the window beneath him suddenly opens and Dana’s voice breaks the silence.</p><p>“Would you like to come in?”</p><p>Tim hates that his first thought about being caught is <em>Batman would be so disappointed. </em>Then his braincells kick back in and he scrambles a bit back, more into the shadows. Stupid, stupid, stupid. To get so lost in what he was doing that he forgot to pay attention to his surroundings.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-“ he bites out, but Dana interrupts him.</p><p>“It’s okay, Tim.”</p><p>And it’s purely his Bat trained instincts that keep him from falling down the stairs in shock when she says his name. He grips onto the railing in an attempt to steady himself. Trying to still his hammering heart. How could she <em>know</em>?</p><p>“Those stairs don’t look very comfortable.” Dana says, and motions again for him to come inside, “ Come on.”</p><p>He follows her in a daze. This. This was not how he expected to come face to face with Dana again. Not how he expected their reunion to go at all. He’s gone over scenarios in his head, playing out the conversation he was going to have with her in ten different ways. He knew exactly what he wanted to say to her. But currently he is dumbstruck and unable to bring out a single word.</p><p>“So. Robin, huh?”</p><p>They’re standing in the dimmed light of Dana’s kitchen. From the corner of his eyes he can see Eloise calmly playing on in the living room. He hesitates for a moment, then reaches up and removes his mask. Fiddles with it in his hands.</p><p>“It’s uh, <em>Red</em> Robin now…” he says softly, then looks up to meet Dana’s eyes, “How did you know?”</p><p>Dana holds his gaze for a moment, then looks away, hugging her arms around herself.</p><p>“I guess I always had… suspicions.” She begins, turning her eyes back to him, “But the other day. When you <em>saved us. </em>When I saw your face. That’s when it finally clicked. All your strange excuses over the years, the lies, the disappearances, the <em>bruises</em>.”</p><p>And Tim does feel his old guilt wash over him at her words. He doesn’t regret his choices in picking up the Robin mantle but he always hated the lying that came with wearing the cape. Hated the impossible situations he used to put her and dad in, the pretending and the hurt he caused.</p><p>“Dana, I’m so sorry-“ he brings out, <em>trying</em> to make this right. Trying to fix this mess of lies and betrayal and broken promises that seems to be hanging between them, but Dana turns to him fully now.</p><p>“Don’t be. I’m...I’m proud of you, Tim.”</p><p>This time is Tim who looks away. The irony of the situation isn’t lost on him. There was a time when he would have done everything to hear those words said to him. When he was kid and left to his own devices more often than not. When he was struggling to mend his relationship with his dad after mom died. When he just became Robin and worked so hard to earn Bruce’s approval. The words dad finally whispered to him before-</p><p><em>No</em>. He doesn’t want to think about that right now. Instead he wants to bask in Dana’s words of confirmation. Wants to relish in the feeling of being excepted for who he is by her. But he also wants to be angry at her, for thinking that simply saying those words can make it right that she <em>left</em> him. He doesn’t know <em>what</em> he wants right now.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me that you were…” he lets his words trail off, unable to finish his sentence. The silence that follows is heavy. When Dana speaks up her voice is barely above a whisper, “At first it was…memory loss. I was broken. My mind tried to protect me by trying to make forget everything that happened.” A single tear slides down her cheek as she talks, “But after…I…I guess I was too <em>hurt</em>. I couldn’t bear seeing your face. Or Jack’s…”</p><p>Distantly Tim can feel his breathing pick up as he tries to rationalize. Tries to see it from Dana’s perspective, because that’s who he is. That’s who Batman trained him to be. He needs <em>all</em> the angles of a case. But he still can’t bring himself to excuse her for leaving him the way she did.</p><p>“We thought you <em>died</em>, Dana. We made a memorial for you next to dad’s <em>grave.</em>” The words come out colder than he means and he watches Dana visible flinch. And it scares him a little how some emotionally twisted part of him is actually pleased that his words seem to hurt her. Like she hurt him.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Tim.” Dana breathes, and she reaches a hand to his face, her fingertips brushing his cheek. He shies away from the contact, and she pulls her hand back, the pain on her face clear.</p><p>“I’m <em>so </em>sorry.” She repeats, “I know you must be so angry with me. And you have every right to be. But I saw how you were taken into Bruce Wayne’s family<em>. </em>I saw pictures of you with your new siblings and you looked so <em>happy</em>. Like you finally belonged. And I just couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin that for you.”</p><p>Tim hears the words and something inside of him just <em>breaks</em>.</p><p>“I’m so sick and tired of everyone deciding what is best for me!” he shouts and <em>god</em>, he’s crying again. He hates that he’s crying again.</p><p>“Tim-“</p><p>“No!”, his breath is coming in heaving gasps now, tears dripping down his uniform, but he pushes on, “You were my final tie to dad, and when I didn’t have that anymore. I…I was a wreck for weeks! And now I find out that it was all for nothing?! That you just <em>decided</em> I wasn’t worth it anymore?”, he’s aware of how distraught he sounds right now and he doesn’t care.</p><p>“That’s not –“</p><p>“And <em>yeah</em>, maybe Bruce helped me pull through. And the others. And I guess I’m in a good place now. But I fought <em>so</em>hard to get there, Dana. There were so many moments where I just wanted to give up. Because I thought the universe would just keep taking my loved ones away from me!”</p><p>The mask he’s been holding all this time slips from his limp fingers. He feels his knees buckle and lets himself sink to the floor. His last words come out whispered, all the fight leaving his body, “And I didn’t want to live like that.”</p><p>He isn’t just talking about Dana anymore. He’s talking about all the losses he’s had to deal with in the last few years. Steph. Kon. Dad. <em>Bruce</em>.</p><p>He feels Dana kneel next to him. She touches his cheek again and this time he doesn’t pull away. He lets her bring her arms around him, one hand is his hair as he leans his head in the crook of her neck and for the second time in a few days he lets himself cry.</p><p>“Oh, sweetheart.” Dana murmurs, her own voice still thick with emotion as well. And Tim doesn’t have it in him to be angry at her anymore.</p><p>“I just missed you so <em>much</em>.” he sniffles into her shoulder. Dana keeps carding her fingers through his hair as she whispers in his ear, “I missed you too.”</p><p>After what seems like an eternity they break apart and Dana gives him a small smile, “I guess we’re both a bit more broken than we thought, huh?”</p><p>Tim huffs, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand then stills as he sees Eloise standing in the entrance of the kitchen. The little girl is holding onto the ear of a stuffed bunny, taking in the scene with big blue eyes. She looks at Tim for a moment, then seems to determine he’s no threat and makes her way over to Dana.</p><p>“Mommy?” she asks, climbing onto her mother’s lap and patting her face with chubby little hands, “Why are you sad?”</p><p>Dana lets out a soft chuckle, “Hey, sweetie.” she says, gently taking her daughters hands in her own and kissing them, “Mommy is okay. You’re a sweet girl to worry about me.”</p><p>Apparently satisfied with that response Eloise wiggles around and turns her gaze to Tim. He can’t do anything but stare back, rooted to the spot. He’s taking in every inch of her, from her footsie pajamas to her chestnut hair escaping from her braids. A warm feeling slowly begins to build up in his chest.</p><p>“Who is that?” Eloise whispers loudly to her mother, unsubtle as only little children can be. Dana giggles and Tim tears his eyes from the little girl that is his sister to look at his stepmother.</p><p>“Ellie,”Dana says, gesturing to him, “This is your big brother, Tim.”</p><p>The warm feeling in his chest sparks at her words. Ellie gives him a shy smile.</p><p>“Hi, Ellie.” Tim breathes, a grin breaking out on his face.</p><p>
  <em>Big brother.</em>
</p><p>Yeah. He knows how to be that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Update: I've been chipping away at another chapter for this, but it's been slow going. Not sure when I'll finish it, because my motivation to write tends to be a bit spotty. For that reason I've purposefully chosen to end the chapter on this note, so it can potentially also be read as a one-shot. Thanks for all the positive response so far!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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